


Red String

by InkAndFig



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, mckirk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-15 01:51:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16924284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkAndFig/pseuds/InkAndFig
Summary: Following the events of Into Darkness, Jim and Leonard finally acknowledge their unspoken connection.





	Red String

**Author's Note:**

> To save time and energy, I am combining prompts!
> 
> Day 11′s prompt was to draw inspiration from a TV show or movie I’ve watched. I took this to mean that I had free reign to write fanfic.
> 
> Day 14′s prompt was to write about a two-sided quality; something that is both an asset and a draw-back. Jim has so many of those kind of qualities, and I tried to explore a few of them here including his reluctance to let people in and his complicated relationship with his father.
> 
> Day 15′s prompt was mine, and that was to write a red string soulmate story.
> 
> So here you have it: my first attempt at writing an actual ship fic, and more importantly, one for McKirk, in a very, very long time. I hope you enjoy it!

“Jim, open the door.”

Jim ran a hand through his hair and sighed heavily through his nose. Bones had been outside hammering on the steel for the last twenty minutes. That was officially his new record this week. If Jim was in a better mood, maybe he’d razz the doctor for his persistence.

Looking down at the fine red thread circling his wrist, Jim noted once again for the millionth time just what that Doctor meant to him.

Bones slammed his flat palm on the door again and the string bounced slightly with each impact.

“Jim, I swear to God, open the door or I’m going to get Scotty and we’ll burn a hole in the damn thing -”

“Fine,” Jim finally groaned. He slapped his hands on his thighs and pushed himself up to standing. 

Dragging his feet under him, he crossed the room and laid his fingertips on the control pad next to the door. He leaned his forehead against the cool metal and sighed through his nose again, watching the humidity condense on the surface and fan out from his face. The red string dangled from his wrist by his hip, fading as it passed through the door to the hand on the other side.

He stood back up and touched the control pad. The door slid open and Bones stood on the other side with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Jim -”

“Can we just not do this?” Jim asked, looking into his friend’s- his soulmate’s warm brown eyes. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Can’t do what, exactly?” Bones demanded, tightening his arms so his biceps bulged against the sleeves of his shirt in a way that made Jim wonder for a moment if the normally docile, if moody, doctor would actually punch him. “Can’t talk to me about what’s going on with you? Can’t let me scan you for one goddamn minute? Jim, three days ago you were dead.”

“I know,” Jim whispered. He finally looked down at Bones’ shoes instead, the heat and anger in the other’s eyes overpowering him at last.

“You kno-” Bones threw his hands up. “You know. Fantastic. Now can we talk about it, for God’s sake?”

“What do you want to know?” Jim asked, letting his eyes close as he waited for the tirade. He’d been dodging this conversation for the last four years, ever since he walked onto the shuttle at Riverside and saw the end of his string come out of the on-board bathroom.

Bones paused and straightened his back minutely before letting his arms fall to his sides.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Jim,” he said in a soft voice. “Can I come in? I don’t think you really want the whole floor listening in.”

“Sure,” Jim mumbled, stepping aside.

Bones walked past him and the door slid shut at Jim’s command. The two stood inside the door, Bones looking at Jim and Jim looking past Bones’ face at the door to the coat closet.

“Talk,” Jim said after a long, silent minute.

“Jim,” Bones said, lifting a hand and placing it lightly on Jim’s upper arm. “You don’t have to do this alone. You know that, right?”

“I can handle it,” Jim lied.

He and Bones almost never touched, and he felt the contact burning into his skin like a brand.

“Bullshit,” Bones murmured. “Jim, I know you; I know that you’re doing.”

The doctor licked his lips and waited for a response that didn’t come.

“I don’t think your dad woulda shut himself off,” he said.

“Shut up,” Jim snapped, closing his eyes again.

“No, Jim. I know you want to be like him, and you’re doing one hell of a job, but you can’t let your failures -”

“Shut up.”

“- pull you down. You made the same decisions he did -”

“Stop.”

“- and survivor’s guilt ain’t gonna help you accomplish anything.”

Jim started shaking at some point during the speech, but he didn’t open his eyes. He parted his lips and let a long breath seep out.

“You gotta open up to someone,” Bones said, gripping both of Jim’s arms and standing close enough that Jim could feel the older man’s breath on his face.

Jim opened his eyes and felt another grip of pain clutch at his heart at the torn-apart look on Bones’ face.

“It doesn’t have to be me,” the doctor said in a low voice. He let one of Jim’s arms go and he lifted his hand, displaying his end of the string. “I know you hate this thing. I know you don’t want to talk about it. I don’t know why, and I’m not gonna force you to tell me. But goddamnit Jim, if nothing else I’m your doctor. At least let me take care of you that much.”

When Jim didn’t respond he continued.

“You can talk to anyone else. Scotty-”

“I punched him in the face, Bones.”

“Yeah, well, he’s forgiven you, believe it or not,” Bones said with a soft snort. “People do that for people- for Captains they trust.”

Jim let the sentiment wash over him as Bones kept talking.

“Your crew trusts you, Jim. Sure, you didn’t go out in a blaze of glory like your old man, and yeah, we didn’t make it out with the whole crew. But you did the best you could. That’s all he would’ve asked of you.”

Jim realized that Bones’s hands were running up and down his arms in soft, strong strokes.

“You can’t set yourself apart from your crew now. We’re all hurting,” Bones murmured before drawing in a breath. “I’m hurting.”

Jim clenched his jaw.

“Did you know that when it happened this disappeared?” Bones asked as he lifted his hand again to show Jim his string. “They didn’t even need to page me. The ship stopped falling and this damn thing disappeared and I knew. You don’t have to feel anything back, Jim, that’s not why I’m saying this, but I need you to know that that nearly killed me.

“You’ve been my best friend for longer than anyone worth while has bothered sticking around. You’re a royal pain in my ass, but whether you feel any kind of connection through this thing or not, I need you to know that I do. You’re so important, Jim. To me and to the crew. Please,” he finished in a choked whisper, “please let us help you.”

Jim pulled himself away from his friend abruptly and crossed the room in long strides. He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, looking out the window and he clutched the sides of his head in a bruising grip. His own blood hammered past his ears as the words and the tone and the meaning of them wrapped up together echoed in the tight confines of his skull.

Footsteps approached and then stopped in front of him and a shadow passed in front of his closed eyes as Bones crouched before him.

“I’m sorry,” Jim whispered after a few long breaths. He opened his eyes and looked at the man leaning back against the glass in front of him.

“Sorry for what, Jim?” Bones asked, curling his hands together in front of his mouth. “You can tell me anything.”

Jim took a shuddering breath and reached out with both hands.

Bones lifted his eyebrows and took the offered hands, squeezing them tightly in his own. He tipped forward onto his knees so he could be closer to his friend.

“When I was a kid… when I was a kid, I used to ask Mom about her string. Why it wasn’t there anymore,” Jim said, watching and feeling Bones dig his thumbs into the backs of Jim’s hands. “She used to tell me about… about how badly it hurt when Dad died. Like she lost a part of herself. Sometimes I’d catch her looking at mine, and I knew… I knew she was wondering if it had ever been real in the first place.”

Jim hiccoughed and twisted his hands around in Bones’ so that he was holding the doctor’s hands. He lifted the other man’s hands to his face and pressed Bones’ knuckles against his forehead, closing his eyes and inhaling the familiar, comforting smell of his closest friend.

“I couldn’t acknowledge this. I tried so hard to stay away from it. From you. But you’re just… I can’t help it. I had to be your friend at least. That’s why there were so many other people all the time. I didn’t want to get so close to you that I could destroy you the way Dad destroyed Mom when he died. I couldn’t let you go through that.” He sniffed as a pair of warm tears wandered down the length of his nose. “And I went and did it anyway.”

Jim heard Bones’ breathing falter a few times before the doctor finally let out a long breath.

“Jim,” he sighed, leaning in and touching his forehead to Jim’s hands. “Jim… can I tell you somethin’?”

Jim nodded, lowering his hands and looking straight into Bones’ eyes. The other man reached up and cupped his face. Jim found himself leaning into the touch.

“The thing that hurt the most… aside from losing you at all, anyway… was that I hadn’t had the chance to tell you anything, to do anything with you, to be the team that this stupid thing says we should be,” he whispered, watching Jim’s eyes as the younger man continued to shed silent tears as he came to terms with his emotions. “Jim… I know what losing you’s like now. As much as I don’t want to do it again, if it… if I were to lose you again, I know for a fact that I could stomach it better knowing I’d given you everything I have. Knowin’ that I got to love someone like you. Christ, am I makin’ any sense?”

Jim had to crack a small grin. The more emotional Bones got, the thicker his drawl became. Not that he ever really let it get that thick, but Jim loved the sound of it.

“I want…” Jim started before drawing another nervous, shaking breath. “I want to let you in. I want…” Jim lifted his hand as if offering Bones his end of the string. “I want…”

Bones exhaled heavily and closed his eyes. Jim lifted his hands to cup Bones’ on his face.

“I want this,” Jim breathed.

“Thank God,” Bones replied, rubbing his thumbs over Jim’s cheekbones.


End file.
